This is Talon's Journal, and I will try to update it at the same time he does in the RP.
Nothing to do, nothing to do... Mari's gone today. I don't realize how much time we really spend together until she's not here. So I decided to write in here. If Mari knew that I write, I'd never hear the end of it, so I bury this thing when I'm not used to it. Sorry about the dirt and the occasional worm. This is the first time I wave written in here since I became a father. My daughter, Amber Kianna Rosedain was born late night about a month ago. Before her, Mari was the only one I truly loved. I do love my family, but it's so different... I think it's because I chose Mari, but they would have been family no matter what. She could leave me if she wanted to...
But she won't. I love her too much, and unless she's lying to me, she feels the same way. I wouldn't let her leave me if she tried. I guess if it got that bad, I would have to let her go. But it won't. Ever... Moving on. I can't think that way so often. I mean, it's not hoping to happen. Why do I worry about it so much?
Anyway, with Amber now, it's like there are two suns. They're my whole world. I've pledged my love to Mari countless times, but I don't think I've ever said how much I love our daughter. She's so joyful all of he time. She is always bright, not knowing the sorrows of the world, because none of them belong to her. She's not completely tuned out though. Amber can sense when something's wrong. But she can see everything in a bright way, and I love her so much. And Mari gave her to me. Just another reason to love and to need her.
Mari's still away, so I dug up my journal again. I'm going to have to find a cleaner place to hide this thing, because I think I might have tracked dirt everywhere. It's really cold outside, so I came inside to write.
I've been thinking about what we should do together. I mean, I love being with her no matter what, but it can get a little boring after doing the same things over and over. I remembered our camping trip, and realiezd how much fun it was. I've considered going again for a long time, but with Amber coming into our world and Christmas right after, there's been no time. I've been thinking about the game of Truth or Dare for a long time... Well really, it was a game of Truth. Mari didn't want to do dares because we were dating, and things could get, well... extreme. Personally, I wouldn't mind that, but she did so we just played Truth. I've always wondered though, what if we didn't? What would have happened? Where would we have gone? Just thinking about it makes me want her so badly, it makes me shiver.
It's been almost a year, since she's been pregnant and then with Amber being here, we can't exactly leave her alone.
I need to stop thinking about that too. Im such a lucky guy to even have a girl like Mari to hold in the first place, so I can't push it. I need to find some way to get these.. urges.. under control.
*Several pages are ripped out*
Two days untill Valentines, and she's still not back. God, I miss her so much. She and Amber left to go visit family, and she wouldn't let me come along, saying that once they know she's a mother at such a young age they'll be hunting for whoever the father is. I didn't doubt it, knowing CeCe, but I still wanted to go. I've gotten used to being near her constantly, and so her being gone is like a little, constant heartache. There's nothing in the world to make me miss her less, but I distract myself by playing videogames and writing here.
I really like Portal, because the game is so interesting. It's not like every other game where the objective is to kill as many people as possible. On the contrary, you rarely even see people in this game. You're only companion is the overly sarcastic and cynical computer telling you what to do and commenting on your stupidity. Of course there's also the companion cube, which will never threaten to stab you and in fact, cannot speak.
Ugh. I want my Mariette back. It's so boring without her questioning me at every turn and occasionally threateing to stab me. (unlike the companion cube, I might add) She's like my other half now, even though we've only dated for almost a year. If she misses the first Valentines we've spent together... I don't know what I'll do. Go crazy from lonlieness maybe.
I think I might need to learn to be fine without her and just be more elated when she is here. Now, I'm almost depressed when she's away and it's like normal when she's next to me. I know it's standard to miss your signifigant other, but this pain I feel when she's gone... I don't think thats right. Maybe I'll work on that by playing some more Portal.
Mari's FINALLY back. I've grown fond of this thing though, so I think I'll write more consistently. Fili was right about to tell me about something, and then Mari got back. I haven't had a spare moment to ask... and it's kind of bothering me. I mean, she looked really freaked out, and not much does that to Fili. I mean, this girl was raped by Troy, for heavens sake. Once you've gone through that, you can go through anything. I'll have remember to ask about it later.
I'm sad that Mari missed Valentines. I've been planning a make up day for just us. I'm not sure exactly what we should do yet, but I want it to be really special. Something even more romantic than I usually am with her.
There's not much to write today. I wanna spend as much time with Mari as possible since she just got back.
Okay, I'm freaking out!!! My first love, Cianna, called me the other day and insisted she come to visit. Even when I said no, she somehow took it as a yes and came over! We talked, she and Mari argued, she talked some more and ended up kissing me. It wasn't any other kiss though. Oh no, this was extreme. She pressed me against the wall and wrapped her legs around me, shoving her tounge down my throat. It shocked me, but the real reason I didn't shove her away was because.. well.. I hadn't been kissed like that in such a long time..
I told Mari that when she yelled at me. Big mistake! She left me alone after some tears, tracked Cianna down to a bar, and, long story short, killed her.
I'm actually kinda sad about it. I mean, she's changed a lot since we were together, but she's still a person. She's always been kind of a whore, but then again, I probably wasn't much better myself. She apparently taunted Mari about her weaknesses, and that, combined with her kissing me, was too much. She got in a bar fight, and Cianna was so drunk, she didn't stand a chance. I found Mari there, stunned in a pool of her rival's blood. I carried her home and had her tell me about it, trying not to show any emotion whatsoever. I love her far more then I could ever love Cianna, but the memory of my first kiss... It's never be the same, knowing that I'll never see her again. Not that I want to, It's just... Ahh forget it. It's not like you would understand this anyway, Journal. No one else will ever read this besides me, so why bother?
Anyway. We talked for a bit, then ended up having sex for the first time since Amber was conceived. It was so refreshing.... I can't even begin to explain how amazing and agonizing it felt to have her naked body pressed against mine. I'm groaning from the mere memory of it. I'm so tired. I didn't get any sleep because of it, so I should probably rest up now. Goodnight!
Mari seemed really bothered today. I assumed it was because of the Cianna thing, but it wasn't. She told me it was about her bastard of a father and his new wife, and I immediately knew it was because they were having a baby. She didn't like that he'd forgotten her mother so quickly. I didn't either, because from wat I know, Kianna was great, but Quil...
Let's just say we don't get along.
Oh crap. The in-laws are here! Got to go.
(To be written)